According to The State of Our Unions: Marriage in America 2012; The National Marriage Project, 40-50% of first marriages are likely to end in divorce.  This is a scary statistic.  Views on marriage have changed drastically over the past years.  Reading the materials for this week really got me thinking about my marriage and what I need to do to not be in that 40-50%. 

Elder Dallin H. Oaks gave an interesting talk titled, “Divorce”.  In this talk, Elder Oaks eluded to some things to avoid in order to keep your marriage healthy.  Elder Oaks says, “Often the cause [of divorce] is not incompatibility but selfishness.”  I can see where selfishness could be a problem.  We live in a world where one of the main themes is “it’s all about me”.  It seems that it is less and less about what can I do for you, and more about what can you do for me.  In a marriage you have to be willing to serve your spouse and put their needs above your own.  I remember a time when I was struggling to “love” my husband.  I asked our bishops wife if she ever felt that way about her husband.  She told me that of course she had times when she felt this way.  And in those times she would find a way to serve her husband, and soon her love would return.  I never forgot that comment. 

Elder Oaks also mentions that we need to be careful that our hearts are not hardened.  For me, this would mean that we better be have personal and couple’s prayer.  Temple attendance on a regular basis is crucial.  Keeping our spirit strong and faithful can help to ensure that our hearts will not harden.

Elder Oaks warned against bringing up past disagreements.  He said, “Don’t treasure up past wrongs, reprocessing them again and again.  In a relationship, festering is destructive; forgiving is divine.”  In my opinion, this is one of the hardest things to do.  To truly forgive, we must let it go and not keep bringing the past up. 

One of my favorite quotes from Elder Oaks was, “…the remedy is not divorce but repentance.”  I believe that humbling ourselves, staying close to the Lord, and serving each other will help to strengthen our marriages.