Eternally Ever After...

Marriage between a man and a woman is essential to God’s plan.  An eternal, or covenant marriage is therefore of the upmost importance.  In my readings this week, I really loved the talk from Elder Bednar titled, “Marriage is Essential to His Plan”.   Elder Bednar said, “Righteous marriage is a commandment and an essential step in the process of creating a loving family relationship that can be perpetuated beyond the grave.”  Last week, my sister’s husband passed away suddenly.  They had been married for a short seven weeks.  This has been extremely difficult.  The one thing that is getting my sister through this is the knowledge that she was sealed to her husband in the temple and will be with him again.  Keeping our families together forever is the only way. 

                As we work on our eternal marriages there are many pitfalls that we must look out for and avoid.  Elder Bruce Hafen talked about three of these pitfalls in his talk, “Covenant Marriage”.  He called them the three wolves.  These three wolves are natural adversity, our own imperfections, and the excessive individualism that has spawned today’s contractual attitudes.  In my opinion the greatest challenge today is excessive individualism.  We live in a world where the traditional family is being broken down and even put down.  I sometimes feel like one might get teased for having a mom and a dad that are married! The norms have shifted so much.  It seems as though the world has given up on marriage and families.

                Teaching our children in the home from the very beginning is so important.  Being aware of these wolves as a couple and being able to communicate and talk about problems is key.  As long as we stay close to the Lord and keep or testimonies strong, we can be eternal families. 

The Desensitized Public

The Desensitized Public

There are many challenges facing the institution of marriage today.  The biggest challenge is the fight to change the definition of marriage which is the lawful union of a man and a woman.  Marriage is a sacred ordinance and is ordained of God.  In the article, The Divine Institution of Marriage, it states, “For millennia, strong families have served as the fundamental institution for transmitting to future generations the moral strengths, traditions, and values that sustain civilization”.  This statement was so powerful to me, and scary at the same time.  We as a nation are becoming desensitized to the reality of the importance of families.  In the video of Jennifer Roback Morse’s testimony in Rhode Island regarding redefining marriage and children, she pointed out that this could create a situation for children where there is contract parenting and a child could have four legal parents.  There would no longer be a child that needs a mother and a father bonded by marriage.

In the article, The Overhauling of Straight America, we learn that there are steps being taken by the gays and gay rights groups to desensitize America into believing that marriage does need to be redefined.  One of these steps is to talk about gays and gayness as loudly and as often as possible.  In this article it states, “…almost any behavior begins to look normal if you are exposed to enough of ot at close quarters and among your acquaintances”.  I have found this to be true.  We hear from them endlessly.  The media and news is often focused on these groups. 

Another step is to portray gays as victims.  Making people feel like they had no choice or that they are victims of society.  Americans feel the need to take on the role of the protector.  While I know this is a very sensitive subject, I do believe that these things are happening in the world today.  It is good to be aware and have this knowledge.  I know that marriage is a sacred institution between a man and a woman.  It is ordained of God from the beginning of time.  Families are an important unit in our societies and we must stand up for them and protect them.

According to The State of Our Unions: Marriage in America 2012; The National Marriage Project, 40-50% of first marriages are likely to end in divorce.  This is a scary statistic.  Views on marriage have changed drastically over the past years.  Reading the materials for this week really got me thinking about my marriage and what I need to do to not be in that 40-50%. 

Elder Dallin H. Oaks gave an interesting talk titled, “Divorce”.  In this talk, Elder Oaks eluded to some things to avoid in order to keep your marriage healthy.  Elder Oaks says, “Often the cause [of divorce] is not incompatibility but selfishness.”  I can see where selfishness could be a problem.  We live in a world where one of the main themes is “it’s all about me”.  It seems that it is less and less about what can I do for you, and more about what can you do for me.  In a marriage you have to be willing to serve your spouse and put their needs above your own.  I remember a time when I was struggling to “love” my husband.  I asked our bishops wife if she ever felt that way about her husband.  She told me that of course she had times when she felt this way.  And in those times she would find a way to serve her husband, and soon her love would return.  I never forgot that comment. 

Elder Oaks also mentions that we need to be careful that our hearts are not hardened.  For me, this would mean that we better be have personal and couple’s prayer.  Temple attendance on a regular basis is crucial.  Keeping our spirit strong and faithful can help to ensure that our hearts will not harden.

Elder Oaks warned against bringing up past disagreements.  He said, “Don’t treasure up past wrongs, reprocessing them again and again.  In a relationship, festering is destructive; forgiving is divine.”  In my opinion, this is one of the hardest things to do.  To truly forgive, we must let it go and not keep bringing the past up. 

One of my favorite quotes from Elder Oaks was, “…the remedy is not divorce but repentance.”  I believe that humbling ourselves, staying close to the Lord, and serving each other will help to strengthen our marriages.